everything i do is always my fault, nothing i do is ever right, and everything i touch screws up.
everything i do, with good reason or ulterior motive, is always wrong.
everything i say, is always wrong.
even when i dont say anything or dont do anything, it is still my fault.
why, cos i'm the bane of this existence. im wrong in true form, fleshed out.
why why why why why

noone, noone.





So,
So what I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what
I'm havin more fun
And now that were done
I'm gona show you tonight
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool so
So what
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight


Makes me remember what it was about Pink that made me love her as a tween.
A spark A truckload of insanity; such a personality.
And the desire to be a ROCKSTAR.





The tree trunk part, and the one with the noob just-married couple, those really cracked me up.




I want a long, long holiday,
with you in one room and my family in a coupla others,
maybe I could rent a gigantic bungalow off the Caribbean,
or maybe it could just be the two of us.
Give me time to unwind, destress, spa, go snorkelling, look for seashells like I did as a kid.
Yeah, I think the two of us and a vacation sounds really good.


Today on the walk home from the bus stop, I skipped down the steps at my grandmother's old block, like I used to as a kid. Something I never do anymore, not for years. I looked to the right, beneath the bridge, where they found my dog after she slipped out the gate and got lost. A few more steps up, and my K2 kindergarten - up a little more, my K1 and nursery kindergarten. On the right, my siblings' primary school; on my left, the shop I always go to for tidbits and snacks, or a Sprite to cool the heat. Next to my block, the Shop n Save where all the aunties know my parents and grandparents. Behind my block, the Sheng Siong where the auntie pissed me off, with infinitely cheap stuff. In the void deck, where I used to scoot around in that plastic scooter of mine, trying to smash myself into the wall. The little step where I stand, place my arms around him and kiss him goodbye every time he sends me home. All around, places with good food, buses to infinite places, quick routes to a million mrt stations. So many memories, good and bad.

Maybe I'll be back someday, I'll miss the black floors and my parents' lime green walls. My exploded cooker, the sinking sinks. The filthy tub, the black doors, the dusty things cluttered around, which we've been sieving through and throwing away, heaving away half of our
memories...


I've been living here for almost 12 years...
I don't know how I can bear to leave, and I really wish we didn't have to.


its late at night, friday's work shift starts in less than 8 hours, and i know i shd be happy abt my grades, and i am.

but there are certain things, fuck it, that i am VERY UNHAPPY ABOUT.
1) the grading system
2) evaluation
3) impressions
4) wtf list????? not even based on merit, that one is once again, based on impression of effort
5) how i believed that an extra six months of hands on in nyp might have benefited me more. but now, i think it might not have been the best thing i have done in life. and i hope saying this does not affect any of my future grades etc.
6) how this semester's grades are truly one-of-a-kindly FUCKED UP.
7) HOW DID YOUR MOTHER BRING YOU UP SIA??? I'm sure lots of people know who i'mtalking about.


what happened to pure merit, where people where graded according to their effort and merit?
why has the system evolved to become one where you are graded on what some people think of you, and what they think you do in a group? maybe they should put cameras, survey what students do on a 24/7 basis. that way it'd be fair. alot more work, but fair systems. what happened to meritocracy??

apparently, they might think they have a perfect grading system, but i tell you, it's flawed.
and alot of people are not happy about it, but are just afraid to voice out.
what makes you think that silence is consent, or worse, contentment?

yeah you say you take it seriously, i really believe you do, but perhaps, take a better look at things before judging. because what you see may not be everything you need to know.


you and I know it.


We all have one thing on our minds now that its here,
and that is to eliminate injustice. How we go about doing so, stealthily, quietly, but jusitfiably, is the challenge.
Some are rewarded due to luck, impressions. That is why I feel it's right to stop looking at those on top, and start looking at the ignored. And start making changes to the system, sweeping out unfair loopholes and inadequate/lazy investigations.
Because some, like I have already mentioned, live a life of luck, while others live through efforts, which are sometimes underappreciated, or worse, unknown of.


It's so unfair, and yes the world is never fair. But I think "the world is never fair" might just prove to be an immature statement. I think it's high time people start doing things and stop giving excuses like "the world is never fair". Because it could be, with the right practices, ideals and policies. You shouldn't just lay back and do nothing, watch others step on heads, and say "nah it's like that, world's cruel and unfair". Perhaps its time someone got rid of the "unfair world" excuse, and start making things fair around here.

Like"I'm tired", or "I'm lazy", "I'm having PMS", "I don't know,"
"the world is never fair" is just another sorry excuse.

You, you better watch your step.



And if you think I was talking about US policies, you're wrong.
p.s. OBAMA ROCKS MY SOCKS.


My laptop just died on me on saturday. i was devastated, because i'd invested so much time and effort into things that were on my laptop (reports, work, videos, games etc) that when it died on me, I just panicked, kinda like when you break up with your boyfriend, or when someone close to you dies.

That shitty feeling where you didn't do what you could have done to salvage the relationship and made sure it had a good foundation (where you didn't salvage your files and back it up); another shitty feeling where you might have been able to drag the relationship further, longer (where you could have extended the life of your laptop if you hadn't downloaded this game and directly caused it to die the moment you installed it); and of course, that very very shitty feeling where you know that you've lost something special (duh, it houses all your anniversary/outing photos, games, hard work, personal documents, chat logs, blog skin htmls from yesteryear...etc etc.)

Sigh, like i've said before, human dependency on technology is stupendously mind-blowing.
At first I was so lost, like omg omgomgomg it's sunday, what am i going to do when i get home? No games to play, oh my god my cooking dash MY COOKING DASH FUCK I HAD SUCH A GREAT SCORE FUCK FUCK oh well maybe i could catch some tv.




Then I decided that it's been a long time since i've spent time with family. and so i did. :)
Yay for family. And i had a great weekend, spent with boyfriend and family simultaneously, and my family was happy cos he bought us a hefty dinner on sat cos it was my dad/sister's birthday. :) 9 people, a happy birthday(s).

i was panicking, yeah, laptop. the whole flight or fight thing, where i wanted to crawl into a ball in a corner of my room and suck my thumb til martin solved the problem.

which, unfortunately, was unsolvable.

So, moral of story, don't download games that look really nice.
EG. PERFECT WORLD INTERNATIONAL.
which i assumed would give me hours of fun, but instead would prolly cost me a bloody sum of 160 odd. Bah.

I miss my cosy laptop.


I realised i've not blogged about IPP at all as of yet.
I'm at ____ ________ _____________, in the Electronics group.
I'm in the marketing department. (which i think is just one person? haha i don't really know actually.)
We publish ___________, which is super technical, but I think it's a damn good magazine for people who are really in the specific industry that we target.
My supervisor is nice, he teaches me alot and tells me stuff that goes behind the process of what I do, what he does, and the production/marketing process. Hehe.
I'm doing a lot of survey analysis at the moment, plus random things like calling up hotels or tidying things up once in a while. The hotel thing was cool cos I'd to call to check up on booking a ballroom. So i know how that works now, and it's good if i do get to do wedding planning in future.
I am actually really happy working here. The people around me are fun, my department is warm and friendly, and I've got several friends here in Changi Business Park, so lunch is always very fun and hilarious.
Sure, I do miss TEP. I miss the people around me, and the experiences good and bad. Kinda reluctant to leave school behind, but... like Jac says, it's the next phase of our lives. So. Yeah.
I have coffee breaks with Leonard everyday, when we're weary of the computer. It's good having another IPP slave in the same company I guess. Haha. At least there's someone you can get coffee/Teh Tarik with. haha.

And there's free flow of cup noodles! Myojo somemore. WOO!



the only thing I resent,
is the STUPID morning rush hour human traffic.
STUPID.
STUPID.
STUPID.
but that'll be a potential post for maybe another day.
hoho.
goodnight.