I was afraid,
and I just realised I'm afraid of marriage and responsibility
- laura and jacintha spat food out and laughed their knockers off at this :( -
Not to the point where I will shun it, cos I most definitely will not, but likewise for everything else, this thing needs a whole lot of mental preparation.
His going NS yesterday made me think (too much) and I realised the most strong emotion I felt wasn't sadness, nostalgia, or pride (all of which I feel too).. but the most strong emotion is fear.

Why, you ask?

Because I'm afraid of change, as much as I want to embrace it.
Yesterday marked the end of his teenhood. And I say it partially ended mine as well, because my life will be so different from now on..

We can't be carefree like we were before, not as much as before.. From this point onwards we have to be bothered with limitations from NS, work, and from there on forth, if or when we end up together (:)), family convictions commitments. Will we ever be as carefree as before, when we could go out anytime we wanted, meet up whenever we wanted?

My fear springs from this, and the thought of facing all the other factors that will come into play that we'll have to be responsible for. I'm afraid.

Talking to shafinah today, I found out how to not think about how sad I am, missing him, and instead concentrate on the good memories that we have =) like those long walks, long talks, lazy movie days, sit-down outings... Speaking of which I already miss all those...

But i didn't realise how to conquer my aforementioned fear. Not til just now..

I'll just have to put my trust and faith in this other person that i love..
Trust that he'll do his best to make this work out beautifully despite the setbacks and fears..
and faith that our love will withstand it all. :)



PS. Pfft, explains why I'm in such a foul mood today.


14 more days.