is to love and be loved.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008 ( 11:13 AM )
It just sickens me that just when I thought it was safe to trust again, to feel safe again, i learn things that were hidden, stored away for the safety and security of the relationship.
Why am i always kept in the dark? If people told me things upright, and if I didn't have to find things out from a third party, I know for a fact that I wouldn't flare, not at all. I would accept it, because it is reality.
But to find things out so late, just.. crushes me, makes me wonder what else I don't know. Which defeats the primary purpose of not telling me, which was to stop my mind from wandering and wondering.
Just when you think its safe again, after you've been bitten, after you've healed, after you're ready to live normally again, revellations reveal themselves, you get scarred again. It's a vicious cycle, and I hate this facet of reality that is beginning to show itself to me.
And I don't know if I want to continue living with it, as much as it pains me to give so much up.
Life in the first week of March SUCKS.
tell me you're not a liar.
but how do i believe you?