and this is what I will do to (you and) your car.






HOHOHO.


I wasn't just angry at her, but i was also angry at you.
so don't think i was never pissed at what you did, because I was, and the hurt will take time to dissipate.

i'm trying hard to forget about it too,
and go back into my web of miscontrued reality,
into my warped fairytale.




我知道故事不會太曲折
我總會遇見一個什麼人
陪我過沒有了她的人生
成家立業之類的 等等

她做了她覺得對的選擇
我只好祝福她真的對了
愛不到我最想要愛的人
誰還能要我怎樣呢

我愛的人　不是我的愛人
她心裡每一寸　都屬於另一個人她真幸福
幸福得真殘忍讓我又愛又恨　她的愛怎麼那麼深

我愛的人　她已有了愛人
從他們的眼神　說明了我不可能
每當聽見 她或他說「我們」
就像聽見愛情　永恆的嘲笑聲


this was how i felt, not so long ago.
and i realised, the ashley"ididmynose"tisdale's song-the he said she said song-i also related at that point.
so i'm lucky i didn't listen to songs.
else, i'd.. have.. i don't know what i'd have done.


Found this gem on Zafirah's blog, I think it does a really good job of summarizing some of the things alot of girls wish guys would do. It's lengthy but I promise it's good. :)


When she walks away from you mad [ Follow her ]
When she stare's at your mouth [ Kiss her ]
When she pushes you or hits you [ Grab her and don’t let go ]
When she start's cussing at you [ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]
When she's quiet [ Ask her what’s wrong ]
When she ignores you [ Give her your attention ]
When she pulls away [ Pull her back ]
When you see her at her worst [ Tell her she's beautiful ]
When you see her start crying [Just hold her and don’t say a word ]
When you see her walking [ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]
When she's scared [ Protect her ]
When she lays her head on your shoulder [ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]
When she steals your favorite hat [ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]
When she teases you [ Tease her back and make her laugh ]
When she doesn’t answer for a long time [ reassure her that everything is okay ]
When she looks at you with doubt [ Back yourself up ]
When she says that she likes you [ she really does more than you could understand ]
When she grabs at your hands [ Hold hers and play with her fingers ]
When she bumps into you [ bump into her back and make her laugh ]
When she tells you a secret [ keep it safe and untold ]
When she looks at you in your eyes [ don’t look away until she does ]
When she misses you [ shes hurting inside ]
When you break her heart [ the pain never really goes away ]
When she says its over [ she still wants you to be hers ]
When she repost this bulletin [ she wants you to read it ]


- Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's ok, don't believe it, talk with her
- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
- Tease her and let her tease you back.
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.
- Give her the world.
- Let her wear your clothes.
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.
- Let her know she's important.
- Kiss her in the pouring rain.
- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

and I have one more thing to add:
If you feel that way, then let her know she's the best thing that has ever happened to you.

♥


I'm glad it all worked out; so apparently things really do work out on its own.
But I hope it never happens again, because I don't think I have the capacity for it, even though I am (still) surprised at how numb I felt when I found out.
I guess now, i've been through all the kinds of hurt that life could possibly throw at me. So yes, though it would have stung less if it didn't happen, at least now I'll be better prepared for whatever comes my way.
And I hope what's between us now stays precious and faithful and enduring.
I really, really, am hoping.


And previous posts were not referring to anyone or anything regarding DMSM.
Speaking of school, past week was a disaster for me. Apologies.


♥


I'm really looking forward to next week. :)


I learnt today, that i have to be a bitch.
and maybe the book is really right.
i finally understand why men love bitches.

Me: Why do people always say I'm nice and goody goody?
Laura: Ah, they don't know. I'm actually the nice one.


Ah how right she is, world. How right.


KNN CHEEBYE.
sometimes you look at the world and you see it pass by you,
but you'd never in your whole life think that while you were looking at the world,
a truck would run you over like a piece of shittasting pancake.


yes i feel like killing her. i really do.
WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!
YOU GOT NO WHERE ELSE TO FUCK IS IT!
IF I SEE YOUR FUCKING FACE AGAIN I TELL YOU I WILL BREAK YOUR HEAD WITH THE NEAREST FIRE EXTINGUISHER.


and i am NOT exaggerating.


i could list down the things i would love to do to you right now.
maybe, i could cut your skin open with a pencil tipped with hot needles.
or, i could slice it instead, with a pizza cutter whatever the fuck you call it.
hmmm, perhaps i should push you off the 15th storey.
no la, that's too soft - try dunking your head into boiling water.
ah, pluck your hair off chunk by chunk with a D&T clamp.
if that's too cruel i could do the chinese torture thing and tie your hands, feet and arms with rope to horses and get them to rip your wasted bloody soul into 5 bloody fucking smelly parts. except i would not employ horses, but frightened elephants on a rampage so maybe they would crush your body along the way too ^^.
or possibly squeeze glass shards into your ears.
and even into your eyes.
oh! i could break your nose with a frying pan that's heated with burning butter.
or or! BUY PINK MANICURED NAILS FROM DAISO AND POKE THEM ONE BY ONE INTO YOUR EYES AND CREATE A PINK FLOWER :)



and i am not kidding around.

if i see you and am within arm's reach of your fucking head,
i will twist it off your neck.



:)


I just want to let you know.. i am truly sorry for hurting you.. i never want to meant to or ever will want to hurt you at all..

though we had some bad and admittedly painful times...remember the good times that we had, the millions of good times that made us laugh and love and smile..

and that in this period that you are considering us..

I just want to let you know... that the promises I made to you the other day in that long msg, and all the promises thereafter - i will keep those promises. cross my heart..
i will do whatever it takes to keep the relationship going and alive..
whatever it takes..for you.. =)




*and yes prev post was written by me. =)


Dear Cherylene,

Stay strong in this moment of truth. The one you love may be far at hand but if destiny points you to it, it will happen. And as much as you don't want what you fear, perhaps it is better, maybe not for you, but definitely for the one you love. And you have to learn how to accept this. It's not easy. It never is. But you've taken this step, out of love and consideration, and that is a progress in itself. You are calm but you know that when the day you look forward to but fear at the same time comes, you might lose your composure because you don't know what is ahead of you.

You want to tell the one you love so badly that you have finally seen the truth, and have finally realised this love's importance, and that at certain points you were acting immaturely or irrationally, or in a childish fashion, but you have thought it through and you have come to the realization that this step has allowed you to realise this; so this step is not at all bad, since you have seen your own faults and mistakes, and are now persevering to move yourself away from all these mistakes and become a better person.

You have realised, as well, that the reason why you acted so immaturely at those points in the past before was, in the first place, because you wanted to make it better, using the only way you knew how; now however, you understand that they were not the best ways to make things better, and that there is a more healthy way to do things and solve problems. And you want so badly, since you've had this sudden epiphany and realization, to act upon it and solve everything with your loved one - but you cannot, not right now. You have to endure til then. You have to give space. What people fail to realise that people need space, and even if you thought you were giving enough space, you always have to ask if the space you're giving is comfortable enough, or not - you have realised this.

Endure, Cherylene. You are doing this for the better of the one you love, and you know it, he knows it. You wish so badly to run to him in this period of distress, but you can't. Not yet. Be strong.

You want to tell him that despite what he feels, you do know him very well. You know so many things about him that he doesn't know about himself; this might sound arrogant and pompous, but you know yourself, and you know him. And you know.

You worry about the worst, because you have to prepare yourself for all the negativity that might come your way. You trust, you love, and while trust is always devoid of doubt, you don't want to have yourself living in a fairytale now. You want to prepare yourself for the worst, so you don't fall too hard later on. In this period, just learn how to be a better person, and life will take the lead from there. You want badly to feel that it'll all be a happy ending... But you know that you must never think that way, not for now, anyway. Perhaps living in a fairytale was a way of guarding yourself before, but you must snap out of it for now.

You feel an immense love in your heart, that you know even after this period, will never go away and will stay through the rest of your life, no matter what happens. As foolish as it sounds, you know it's true. You want him to feel the same, but you don't know what is in his life now. You don't want uncertainty in your life, but you cannot push for strained certainty - that is never healthy.

You want to tell him so many things, you want to tell him that things will be okay, that you will make conscious efforts, you will change, you will make things good again.

No one else can understand what you're going through right now, because after all, every situation in the world is different, there might be some similarities but there is much so much uniqueness and differences in every situation; so you try to avoid a lot of things that will not be good for you.

You hope that what is said here does not affect anything negatively. All you want is to clear your mind, and for the loved one to understand that, and to not be angry with anything said, and to remember that you wanted a clean slate.

You want to say so much more, however, but for now, you have to wait, and trust in his love, which ultimately, you very much do.

Good things come to those who wait, so be patient for your love, child.

Be patient.