is to love and be loved.
Sunday, December 23, 2007 ( 11:06 PM )
Or not.
I feel particularly depressed now that it's Christmas. I think I am going to need a psychiatrist soon. Would people even notice I was gone?
*imagines dad saying, "of course lah!
and I smile with glee-
"so huge, how not to notice you disappeared?"
smile disappears*
you know,
what the fat guy from Austin Powers said oh-so-matter-of-factly, I remember really clearly:
"I eat when I am sad and when I'm sad I eat.
It's a vicious cycle."
=((((
Possible last-words suicidal notes running through my head:
"Dear Martin, I love you, and I wish I could have given you more hugs and spent more time with you because time spent with you is heavenly..."
"Dear Laura, I do love you too. And yes why are you so surprised that I'll hug you when you're sick?..."
"Dear Mummy, I miss the times I'd call you up and tell you I missed you when you were at work..."
"Dear Papa, thank you for being a cool (albeit sometimes annoying strict) dad. And for trusting me..."
"Dear Grace, thank you for telling me you love me because I realise I love you too alot alot... and for being me that threadless tee..."
"Dear Jewel, relax..."
"Dear teddy whom I named Adam when I was 13, please forgive me for never sewing up that patch on your butt..."
"Dear red and yellow teddies who sit at the foot of my bed, i'm sorry for kicking you every night when I sleep-move..."
"Dear whoever knows me, I regret not sitting on you..."
"Dear MS0601, ..."
And I know I am going to get scolded (he's already lining up to slap me) for saying "i-am-suicidal".
The thought that I can't get the people I love presents, besides cards. It is downright depressing.
And at the rate we're all going, I don't feel the love.
Not me.
:(
Wonderful.
Plus with the rough patch, it's not a very good December.
Someone write me a song.
I wish I'd get a present from you, yes you.
:)
Friday, December 07, 2007 ( 9:28 PM )
Cos it's definitely out to suck my blood dry.
Other email accounts seem to work fine, but my hotmail interface is completely screwed up and its running everywhere!! I am hoping that it's just a passing problem or server issue because GAHHHHH i need my email. :(
transgression: strange how reliant we are on such technology.
HOTMAIL PLS GET YOUR DAMN ACT TOGETHER.
GAHHHH!
*
going for the PSC night thingy tmr. feeling kinda lazy to go though, cos finally, its one of the peaceful weekends with no reports to chiong for.
While we laid there, I suddenly felt blank and empty and void of emotion, and I felt afraid.
Afraid that I was starting to put our relationship at risk,
on (permanent) hold.
I'll still love you when I'm gone