8 months ago, I posted this.
And now, I feel it again.
And I’m sorry.

I don’t believe
In the smile that you leave
When you walk away
And say goodbye
I don’t expect the world to move underneath me
But for God’s sake,
Could you try?

I know that you’re true to me
You’re always there
You say you care
I know that you wanna be mine.

Where is your heart?
Cos I don’t really feel you;
Where is your heart?
What I really want is to believe you;
Is it so hard, to give me what I need:
All I want is your heart to bleed.
That’s all I’m asking for.

I don’t understand
Your love is so cold
It’s always me who’s reaching out for your hand
And I’ve always dreamed that love would be effortless
Like a petal falling to the ground, a dreamer following his dream

It seems so much is left unsaid
But you can say anything
Oh, anytime you need
Baby, it’s just you… and me.


How many of you out there,
feel like you’re constantly giving so much,
maybe it’s for love,
maybe it’s for a friend,
maybe it’s for your family.
Or maybe, it’s just for yourself.
But you don’t feel like you getting anything back, at least not as much as you’d like?
And you’re in constant pain,
Butif you say anything, you're afraid that you’ll hurt someone.
Or seriously change something that you’ve worked so hard to achieve, most probably for the worst.

Like that project you’ve slaved over. Or the parent who refuses to talk to you. Or the friend who seems to be growing distant. Or the loved one you seem to be giving so much to, but who doesn’t seem to reciprocate as much as you’d like.

Whatever it is that you’re putting effort into,
But don’t seem to see any results for.

Why is it that tears are never enough,
That the aching never seems to go away,
That your mind always comes back to what you’ve been trying all year to forget;

It’s that little voice at the back of your head,
That’s telling you to keep going for it,
When your heart tells you to stop,
Because you see heartbreak a yard away,
Snapping its rancid jaws at you;

And no matter how you try,
You can’t stop, you can’t, you just can’t.
Even though you want so badly to stop thinking about it,
You know it’s bad for you,
It’s like an addiction,
Like a bad pill you can’t stop popping,
Like those thoughts that keep running through your ever-analyzing head,
Like that love you can’t put away into the dusty corner of your heart, no matter how hard you tell your heart to forget.

No matter what they tell you,
Even though you know you shouldn’t be thinking about it at all,
That you should just stop, and put some trust in yourself,
And the one(s) you love.

But,

You can’t stop wondering if it’s all right at all,
Because you honestly don’t know.
At all.
Not anymore.


***


I’m honestly tired.
So, so tired.
And I wish I could just put an end to all this,
But there’d be too much I’d leave behind,
That I can’t bear to abandon.

It’s just one vicious cycle, ain’t it?
And in a thousand and one ways, everyone can relate to this.



I’ve hurt myself by hurting you.

I’m only confiding in you, because I trust you wholeheartedly.

So tell me, please.
Where is your heart?

Sometimes? Only?

That's a real spear to the heart. :(