I'm going to get my O level express Chinese results at 2 p.m. today. I’m kinda freaked out by it, and I’m convinced that I won’t get anything beyond a B. if I’m lucky, I’ll get a B. Coz I know very well that my oral screwed me up, and since I’m competing with students from all over Singapore who have such an immaculate command of Chinese, I’m pretty screwed.

Yes, I’ve got to place my trust and faith in the Good Lord, but can I blame myself for pre-result jitters?

And I’ve got choir later… I wonder if I’ll cry when I get my results. There’s a high chance I’ll tear up. At least a 50-50 chance. I might not attend choir, even, if I don’t feel up to it. I mean, I’ve just received a portion of the prediction to whether my future will be bright or tremendously bleak here. Expect me to throw up even… This is how overrated the O Levels are.

I wonder how students in other countries react when they get their life-altering, life-prophesizing exam results. Do they have such extreme reactions as we do? Or are we just being waaaay too emotional here? Possibly. I mean, you enter a hall where O Level results are being given out, and you’ll see half the cohort dancing around, screaming their lungs out with happiness, and the other half bawling away and crying their eyes out. I think that, whether or not students actually do well for the examination, they’ll start weeping anyways. It’s a reflex action. It’s almost a tradition.

I’m not nervous now… well, not exactly, but I know that come my last lesson—emaths—I’ll probably be too distracted to pay attention.

Jiaqi and Laura aren't here today. I’ll be so… empty in English.. sniffs..

Speaking of English.. I’m hoping ms khoo picked my essay. Because I spent the entire weekend and my Sunday night toiling on it, and I slept at 3 am Sunday night, and woke up at 5 again to continue on it, and even then I couldn’t finish it. Talk about a labor of love. More emphasis on the labor, though.

So it’s kinda natural for me to want to receive some fruits in exchange for my ‘labor’.

Back to the topic of my exam result anxiety disorder. I hope I won’t get light-headed and faint in the middle of bunch of weeping/yelling schoolgirls. When I get nervous, all hell breaks loose within me. I start getting headaches, stomachaches, sweaty palms, cold fingers, dry lips..

Remember what the trainer guy from extreme makeover said… “YOU CANNOT GET EMOTIONAL WHILE ON A DIET! ALL THE HORMONES WILL BE RELEASED AND IT’S GONNA STOP YOU FROM LOSING WEIGHT!”

Therefore, I shall not get emotional.

… I’ll try. -_-


I was in a really bad mood—up till Joan called me just now. Thanks—and during lunch, I got fed up with my maid for giving me a dripping wet spoon to eat with, and flung it into the sink. I’ve told her probably about a thousand times about my dislike for wet cutlery, but she still takes me for granted. And then she tells me, “Cherylene, you’ve changed. You’re like a monster now.”
I admit, I have been in a very black mood as of late, with the stress and everything. Plus for the fact that people just do not respect my plea for privacy and my request for them not to touch or move my stuff. It’s just a sin they never seem to want to stop committing, and I just get so frustrated and irate when they move my things. I know where my things are, so don’t touch it.

I’m just afraid of losing my things.

I couldn’t think of any witty remarks to backfire at that point. But it really cut me. I mean, I don’t want to be a monster, but they’ve been pushing me to breaking point. Think I like being so mean? They always say that I treat my friends so much better, but my friends are so nice to me, and I treat people how they treat me. If they’re open and friendly to me, that’s how I’ll be to them. If they’re stiff and snobby to me, I won’t be snobby, but I’ll be stiff to them. And if they treat me like I’m crap, like my family does sometimes, I won’t necessarily treat them as such, but I just won’t be happy or display cheeriness. My friends treat me so well, it’s just right that I do them the same favor.

Whoopee.


This morning I woke up feeling all happy and pixie-ish, having had a decent 8hour long slumber for once, plus the fact that it was perfectly sleepy, rainy Saturday morning. I thought that I was destined for a perfect day, where I could glue my ass to the couch for at least the whole morning and my eyes to the tv without any disturbance.

But was I hell wrong.

In comes my mom from the market, starting on the conversation delightfully with talks of movies and such. Then she starts the tension by telling me that I’ve not been shedding as much kilos as I should with my diet, and that I shouldn’t be wasting her money. After a bout of tense, small words, I turn my eyes back to the tv. And then she starts the war by telling me I rolled my eyes at her, which I know I didn’t, and after a couple of heated words, she came over to me and whacked me on the back real hard.

I just remember yelping as I struggled to prop myself on the floor. I spent a while trying to stop myself from sobbing uncontrollably whilst the black tiles beneath my face—which was shielded, thankfully, so no one saw me weep, by my unruly, uncombed hair—began to get seriously wet from the watery, icky substances that were spewing from my face.

Yuck.

And then began the cold war. I tried to snitch in all the sarcastic retorts I could manage, and slam all the doors of the rooms I entered as loudly—and with as much subtlety—as I could. Which wasn’t very successful, coz she’d just come back and warn me about knowing my place and that I was nobody.

I’ll show her.

And then I felt really bored being stuck up in the room—her room—watching COPS, so I went out and looked for Halo. But my dad—who, whoopee, ain’t really helping like he should, but as usual, is just watching me being tormented—told me that halo was with my mom. I knew that, but I didn’t care. I didn’t think she’d keep it with her. but I went to ask her, and surprise surprise. She didn’t allow me to play.

Reason being that my brother has tests next week. Who gives? I have tests too. You don’t see me stopping everyone from watching tv.
Later I argued with my dad. They’re all grumbling that I come down so late after post con and they don’t want the family to have to wait for me for half-an-hour after mass every Sunday, and want me to go home on my own. Isn’t this similar? I mean, making all of us keep our paws off the Xbox just because my brother is having tests. Is there even any logic in that? If he can’t control himself, then lock him in the room or something. Look, he isn’t even studying, is he? What’s he doing now? Watching tv.

This dumb plan isn’t productive, I am so sorry to say.

Anyway, my dad just laughed at me when I screamed at him, and told me he didn’t want to get involved in this scuffle. As always.

I was in the toilet when my brother came home from tae kwan do. I predicted it as it happened: My mom began fussing over him loudly. Just because he got a red belt now. You don’t see her fussing over me when I get A1 for english.

Later I just played the lousy fighting game on the xbox. I didn’t care. She noticed and warned me to stop. I didn’t. Later, to save my butt, I said 5 minutes more when she came over. She seemed slightly gentler, but still.

She said that I had always had this inferiority complex, that I thought she favoured my brother over me. And why shouldn’t I think this way? It’s so painstakingly obvious. And even if I do have this complex thingy, shouldn’t she working to make me think otherwise? It’s like, because I think like that, she’s making me feel worse than I already do on purpose.

I know I’m making my mother sound really bad here, but I mean, I know my parents have their own problems, but they don’t have to take it out on me. I can’t be their punching bag, can I? I got a life of my own, too. But sometimes I feel as if they had me just so I could be their robot and live the life they never got to lead. I know that’s really harsh, but that’s how I feel.

You can’t stop feelings.


I’ve got common tests next week. Arggh. Gonna have to cram my dying brain cells again… but looking forward to studying. I don’t know why!! It’s a crazy miracle! I hate hittin the books but here I am, craving to sit down, grab a pencil and paper and a couple of markers, and start drawing a mindmap on the mammalian eye.

I’ve completely lost it. I know.

But I think this can be attributed to the fact that I have not have a decent spare hour to study for the past four years. I mean, my schedule for the whole week is totally packed! My average day starts at 5.45 am, when I wake up and head off for skool, and ends at 6pm, when I reach home.

I won’t say I can’t cope… it’s just that when I get home everyday, I’m just so shacked up from having to walk/run/jog/study/die during the day so much that I fall asleep on the sofa whilst watching tv or doing my work. Thank god for my free periods during skool hours,[MUAHAHAHAHAHA!] else I’d be a zombie even during weekends. my eyebags are getting darker by the minute. No……….. scratch that. By the second. Whoosh.

Maybe laura IS right. 3 and a half hours of sleep per day ain’t enough… hmmm. Gotta sleep at 11 latest once the bachelor ends.

Oh wait.. there’s that rob and amber amazing race thingy coming up…

Haix. Reality tv’s a VICIOUS cycle.

Today I fell asleep during mrs ng’s lesson again.. for about a full minute and I totally missed whatever she taught about the min/max pts. Darn. It’s always the last periods on Fridays that fries my brain.. all the fatigue from the entire week builds up and just drops like a bomb on me every fri A maths lesson. It isn’t that she’s soo boring.. I’m just too..chewed up and spat out by the week. Haha. Uggh. I can’t listen or concentrate.. I’m totally spent. It’s either I’ve attention defiency or something like that, or I really need to get some sleep.

…… or both.

[cue scary music]

haha. Yupps. There’s post con camp during our march holidays, and I’m not sure if I wanna go. brenda might not be going… Sad. Want to go but if there’s less than 5 of my friends going, then I’ll…consider.

Really looking forward to it… exCited.

= )


No, bayside does not have any significance as to where I live or work etc. I just thought it sounded very… peachy. And I like it. I mean, I like the beach, but that would have just sounded utterly weird. Bayside’s a better word here.. Hehe.

Outrageous? Right now? I wouldn’t say my life was in any way… outrageous. Maybe I have a death wish, but I’m wishing it was. I’d rather I be in danger of having my head hacked off by a psycho, messed up serial killer than be stuck in the stale, fast-paced world I live in. I mean, God didn’t create ADRENALINE for nothing, you know. Sometimes you gotta use it, and pretty much 99% of the time I’m not doing that. [non-literally. Better clarify this before my bio teacher comes a’knocking. Ha!] Sighs. Why is it some people have far more exciting lives than others? It’s just not fair…

But then again, everyone is unique. Everyone has different life experiences. You gain some, you lose some. Natural law of physics. Haha.

I’m listening to Ashlee Simpson now.. I know it’s a couple of months passe..[I bought it pretty late.. but can you blame a spendthrift who can’t save $ for her life?] but I mean, despite what everyone and all the reviews say, and despite the whole lip-synch issue, I think the cd rocks. It’s one of those cds you can sing to. Plus, it’s pop rock-ish. Hehe. Can’t help liking it to bits.

uggh. my left earpiece has totally gone kaboosh!!! Aaaaah! Sniff.. no proper music.. no life… so frustrating. It’s like, on and off. And my mom has promised to buy me a pair of headphones for.. about 3 weeks??? And it’s still not glued to my ears. I’m not being demanding here but I need my daily dose of lalalas!!

A while ago the encore of the amazing race (seas. 5, I think) showed on ch5.. they came to s’pore, and then split to manila, PHIlIpInEs. [heex…so ExCiting..if you know what I mean..] I wanna travel the world like that too.. haha. If I could go on the amazing race I would, not for the money [that’d be a real bonus though] but coz I wanna see the world and explore the sights and sounds I never knew existed and jump off cliffs and bridges and chase pigs in the mud and fix up jeepenees [or whatever they’re called..sorry!] and jump off a helicopter into the pacific ocean and skydive and see the berlin wall… I’m up for an adventure.

Where’s an adventure when you need one?